Meant for us.

The friend in my adversity I shall always cherish most. I can better trust those who helped to relieve the gloom of my dark hours than those who are so ready to enjoy with me the sunshine of my prosperity. - Ulysses S. Grant

Thank you for always being a friend in my adversity and prosperity.  

-S.

The smell of a tropical breeze.

I'd just like to start out by saying that I feel as though I'll be posting in this blog a lot more than I had anticipated, at least until I start working... Have you figured out what to do with your time yet? Because I've been finding myself wandering around the house, repeatedly signing in and out of facebook to find no new notifications 5 minutes later (surprise, surprise), and cleaning maniacally. Not to mention my increase in 5 ranks on Tetris Battle (impressive, no?). I'm slowly coming out of the confused daze resulting from the sudden halt of brain stimulation - if only there was an off button you could push for automatic relaxation. Lately I've been associating relaxation, a word that's been coming up a lot in casual conversation with extended family members and friends, with a vision of myself on a breezy island beach in sunglasses and a floppy hat all by myself. I don't know why this has been popping into my head but it's lovely :)

Don't hate me for this - but I have to say I've never really been a beach person. Tropical holidays to Mexico and Florida, though I've taken and enjoyed them, have never been my first choice and I've always rather gone exploring or sightseeing. Then again, before this year I wasn't a lot of other things either. I feel like university is like a machine that eats you up, throws you around a lot, and then spits you back out as something different. It's so odd looking back at my grade twelve self, and even more so looking back on my preconceived notions of going away and how off-the-mark I was. 

I guess I should leave more to write for next time, hopefully not as soon as tomorrow (I'm going to get a prescription to be able to see in the morning!)

-S.

P.S. I'm determined to make an egg hunt for you next year. oo0o0o0o0o0o0 :) (those are supposed to be eggs.) 

Drink milk. LOVE LIFE!

- J.

I like what you've done with the place.

Sleep is such a waste of time, don't you think? However comfy and cozy I feel in my bed, regardless of how hard it is for me to actually get up in the mornings (or more often than not, noon), I still can't get over this feeling. It's especially relevant at this particular time of change.

Do you ever think: how much more time would we have had with each other, how much more time would we have had to enjoy life if we didn't need sleep? More specifically, how much more time would we have had in BG...

The end of first year really caught me off guard - done... I still can't process that fact. I always pictured myself getting to university but, silly me, it never went beyond that. Last year was such a huge change for me. Graduating high school and leaving everyone behind was so sad. I moped around the halls for at least a month. But I knew it was coming, and I was ready for it - at least, as much as I could have ever been.

This though, this was really a big shock. I still feel like I'm in a daze... maybe Ashton Kutcher will come out at any moment, yelling "you've been punk'd!!". It seems like one day, we were staying up all night at Robarts, killing ourselves over the non-stop month of hell, drowning our sorrows in coffee, wishing Vic One was over... then it was over. Just like that. The end. Anticlimatic, much?

Time seems to move faster and faster each year. Sometimes, it's hard to keep up. This year, I truly realized how hard it is to juggle work and play, while at the same time, still taking care of yourself. So many times, I felt like cracking under all the pressure, but watching you go through the same thing along with others in our little family, gave me the will to carry on.

Thank you for always being there for me. Thank you for calming me down, for giving me the courage to face up to challenges, for dealing with my constant bitching and moaning. Thank you for laughing with me, drinking with me (though we definitely did not do this often enough!), letting out your inner-crazy with me. Never, in a million years, would I have thought to come out of BG with such beautiful friends.

I love love LOVE you. And I can't wait to share and grow more with you. See you soon.

-J.

DONEZO.

Lil J, we're done...we're done? WE'RE DONE! Wait...this is a little weird. A lot weird, actually. Visions of an empty BG, a pile of suitcases, working at a mindless job streaming into my head...  And then visions of next year in an off-campus residence. It seems I have forgotten how terrible change is until this moment.

This is what it is... I spend 8 months waiting for the pain of Vic One and first year UofT life sci to end, and then the minute I walk out of CHM138 the happy feeling that's supposed to rush in is mysteriously absent. And then the sinking feeling begins...

WE'RE LEAVING BG AND STOWE-GULLEN. WE'RE DONE FIRST YEAR UNIVERSITY. I'm not going to see you all day every day for a whole four months... and it's so depressing. First year was so, so awesome. The people I met were actually incredible, and as difficult as everything was I would not have changed a thing, because then we wouldn't be where we are now. And now it's over :( !!! I'm planning on wearing my Stowener/BG sweater alternately every day for the next month...

I don't know what to do right now... gah, gah, ahsdlanjsdlhfas,jdnfwiehfl,sdanbcajlsdhvsuid;fjsahfjms,dabfjabfjds;lhKLSHAFDKLJSADF.

STUPID ENDS. THEY'RE SO STUPID.
What are we going to do with ourselves at the end of undergrad.

^that's me trying to look sad in a picture.. which I think comes off as sarcastic.. BUT IT'S THE REAL DEAL :'( :'( :'(  Console me?

The only true definition of love, in my humble opinion.

We're all a little weird, and life's a little weird, and when we find someone's weirdness that is compatible with ours we fall into mutual weirdness and call it love.
- Dr. Seuss

-S.

A wonderful time for a cup of tea.

Hi, lovely.

Right now I feel like nobody but us knows what we're going through. Even, I could go to the extreme and say I feel like I am the only one who knows what I'm going through. Nobody on Earth has ever been so burdened! Woe is me! But.. I suppose everyone's perspective of suffering is subjective. Pain is felt to the same degree by everyone no matter how different it might be in reality. And if we're able to push through to the other side, it just might be worth it. And the knowing if it was worth it or not at the end makes it worth it no matter what, I think.

The cleanliness of my room has a tendency to reflect my current mental state. Right now, clothes are indeed starting to pile up in the B8404 nook... but nothing that will take a huge amount of time to organize. I'm hoping the mind analogy will be maintained - because sorting out my head has proven itself to be a task this year.

For now, I think the only thing I can do is make a cup of tea. Tea is one of those things that has magical soothing powers - like a nocturne, or a vanilla candle, or a summer breeze when you close your eyes.

I really am looking forward to finding myself again this summer (and losing some of the acquired delusion, too, as much as I have enjoyed it). And this blog will help me do it with you :) The hope is that I'll remember why I'm doing this all, so I can come back re-fueled and re-inspired. I love you, babooshka.

-S.

Chopin's - how wonderful :)